For reasons known only to my deep, inner brain, I got to thinking last night (yes, like Carrie Bradshaw, I couldn't help but wonder...) about how my closest relationships began. I believe I had started contemplating love at first sight, a concept I have mixed feelings about, and then moved on from there. And I realized that few of my significant relationships sprung into being without a little angst.
My parents, of course, loved me from the beginning, but particularly in my elementary years, I think I was a hard kid to raise. I was moody, extraordinarily fearful and sensitive, a bit of a whiner, and I hadn't yet developed a great sense of humor making me lovable, if irritating. (I did, however, write my first joke at the age of 2, and received a rapturous response from both parents, which, I'm sure, set me on the path to who I am today). My brother was also beloved from the beginning, but the first time I tried to change his diaper, he peed on me.
Turning to my friends, Roo, I do not even remember meeting, and I can't recall us ever having a fight, but that relationship's ease is the exception that proves the rule. Wait, I also liked Gordon right away -- we met at Roo's Oscar party and both quoted from EW extensively, delighting ourselves if not the other guests.
But the others... Christine first encountered me bitching about the RA being absent on move-in day from our freshman dorm (I believe I am correct that her first impression of me was "What a bitch!")... neither of us had figured out yet that my general good humor is obliterated when confronted with poor service. As has become legend, Melissa may have liked me but had no interest in me at all, even though I tried really hard to be her friend for 10 months before she finally caved. Kiri and I sat next to each other warily in church for at least 3 months before she finally had the gumption to say hi. I thought Ryan and Vic were way too cool to really be friends with me (this was and is probably still true, by the way). I thought the same about Rachel and Danielle. I thought jm was too handsome to be my friend (??) and then when I met his wife, Esra, I was convinced they were operating in a world of too much coolness to be interested in me. I thought they would be hanging with Dennis Hopper on the weekends, I guess. Magda and I also circled each other, politely, in church for several YEARS before bonding over vicars. I have one friend who I met when I interviewed at her school (and didn't get the job) and another I met when she rejected my play, both hardly auspicious beginnings. A man I now know be the sweetest and most decent of men came off as unkempt when I first met him (also, I was jet-lagged) so I barely registered his existence. I thought Aaron was a charming, gay Southern boy (sorry, Aaron -- you were wearing a pink shirt that day and I was raised in Western PA) when I first saw him. And Jen? When I met Jen, I also met her huge dog (a sweetie-pie I now know) so I mostly sat mute in terror the entire visit.
These do not define auspicious, and I was hardly comprehensive with my list. My point here, I guess, is that as much as we love love-at-first-sight in our culture -- and as much as I do believe in a variation of it (I think of it as what Christopher Robin said to Pooh Bear: "As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure was going to happen!") -- I think there's a lot to be said for the slowly-creeping-up-on-you love too. Because all of those people above? I am so grateful for them, and for my other friends and family and thank God every day I gave them, or they gave me, or we gave each other, a second, third, fourth, fifth chance.
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